My fragment of the mirror

I wrote this in memory of a dear friend and mentor who passed away yesterday evening.

There is an old Japanese myth about a time that the sun became angered at her brother and locked herself in a cave. Of course the whole world suffered due to the darkness. The rice would not grow and the myriad spirits of nature began to weaken and grow desperate for the energy of the Sun's rays.So they had a meeting and it was proposed that they use a mirror to reflect back to the sun her glory and thus celebrate it and coax it out of the cave. However, one spirit pointed out that even joined, none of them were strong enough in their weakened state to hold up a mirror of sufficient size to do the job.

After some discussion of this dilemma a small spirit proposed that each hide a mirror fragment in their clothes. They would dance and celebrate the Sun, and then when she peeked out of the cave they would each use their small fragment to reflect to her a piece of her glory. Together they reflected the totality of what she was and she was coaxed out of her cave.

Michele La Freniere died, as we will all do some day. However, anyone who knows her now finds themselves in the same position of those Japanese nature spirits. We each know a piece of who she was and what she did, but we all need to reflect that back if anyone is to know, and to forward, that legacy.

Michele was a male to female transgendered woman. She was a member of what is arguably one of the most maligned, underrepresented groups in this culture. Despite that--perhaps because of that--she moved moutains. A google search will reveal some of this. Her family, no doubt, will reveal more in the coming days.

I only have a fragment of the mirror. Mine just captures a bit of her character on a personal scale.I knew Michele for 6 and a half years--exactly as long as I have been involved in the lifestyle. Her tremendous energy was obvious to me on my first meeting, and it took me awhile to gain the courage to approach her. I am very fortunate that I did. She was one of my first mentors--and one of my valuable experienced crash test dummies. I would not have the skills or confidence that I have today were it not for her influence. She was incredibly busy with her transition, trying to make a living, and trying to make a difference for transgendered people in the world--and yet whenever we met she took time for me. I was pretty shy, and pretty battered from the past. She showed me what it is possible to survive, and kept jabbing at me to reach further and to take another risk.

At the time I finally became friends with her I was having some serious questions about my *own* gender identity. I bugged her with questions about her personal process, what it was like, what the transgender/transvestite community is like, etc. She answered any question I had. She always used to be the one to give the warning, "You can ask what you like, just be prepared for the answer!" I was, and I have benefitted from being such a curious pest.

One year, in the midst of my questioning and exploration, I was invited to a local transgender (TV friendly) conference by some friends of mine. They actually wanted me to be part of a demo that would present BDSM to that community. So I went--and spent most of the weekend in drag. I had whiskers, a suit, a tie, the whole nine yards. It was comforting--electric. And--there was Michele. She told me I needed voice training if I was going to seriously do this TV thing (yeah, yeah--I know Michele. I have a male voice fit for a mime show. I can hear you chuckling now.) She then did something quite a bit more helpful and started to teach me things about how each gender walks, talks, gestures, stands....the amount of info I got about the implicit body language requirements this culture makes of each gender still has me dumbfounded. Get it right and nobody notices. Get it wrong and....

Then came the restroom issue--and yes, at her urging I used the hotel male restroom. Yikes!

And yes, the demo went pretty well, my voice notwithstanding. I networked with a lot of folks there. Hopefully I helped close the gap a bit between the two subcultures. I know I came away with far more than I gave. Walking about 10% of the walk (I did not have to deal with hormones, with having to explain to family and friends, with a strong risk of being the victim of a hate crime, with the severe socioeconomic punishment that often results from the transitioning process, etc.) has helped me tremendously. I am often asked about this process at work and I am fortunate enough to be able to explain not only the general concepts but a few of the confounding nuances in a way that does seem to raise empathy.

Without Michele, this would not have happened.

Michele has moved mountains. Google "Anderson's Fifth Estate" sometime. Amazingly the bar owner both converted that place to a trans friendly gay nightspot and became Michele's friend. Our community suffered a great loss yesterday. N said it best a few days ago--we have a *lot* of work to do to come close to filling her shoes.

http://www.azcentral.com/ent/pop/articles/1108transgender1108-CP.html?

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/12291228andersonsgayclub.html